She was sobbing. Her head was buried on my chest, her tears and snot staining the white, thin material, soaking through my skin. My mom was screaming gibberish to the wind while my dad tried to console her. The people started leaving as the first dozen shovelfuls of dirt hit the pristine cream colored coffin. This girl, Elise, was his girlfriend, and my girl-friend.
Oh yeah, he was Dax. We were identical twins. DUI. He swerved trying to avoid a jaywalker. He failed. His car dragged the poor assholes mangled body under it’s chassis then they slammed to a beam supporting the overpass.
Our- no that’s wrong, My parents left as the dirt pile dwindled. The sun descended. The wind howled. The dirt pile is almost gone. I told Elise that we should go. We started walking.
She said that she loved him so much, her voice was so soft but I heard her. My heart constricted. I just answered that I know. In my car, she was sobbing one minute then asleep the next. I drove to her place then shook her awake. She asked me to drive somewhere else. Saying she doesn’t want to be alone. I told her my plans for the night. I was planning on buying some beer and order in pizza..Then watch the crap that Dax loved watching. She asked if she could join me. I wanted her to.
“This is too ‘teenager’!” Elise half-laughed half-sobbed as Stifler got his cock stuck in some kind of musical instrument. Elise sat on the couch and drank warm beer while I chose Dax’s most watched DVD’s. We picked American Pie: Band Camp. I was silent.
She chose Scott Pilgrim next. “Dax always said, I am her ‘Ramona Flowers’ and I always said I like that gay guy better that Scott Pilgrim” she snorted and sobbed. Elise was a wreck!
I fell asleep. While I was devising ways to comfort this girl, I fucking fell asleep. She shook me awake then asked if she can sleep here. In Dax’s room. I said yes. She repeated that she don’t want to be alone, so we lie on our backs in Dax’s bed. Both fully dressed.
Her quiet sobs subsided into gentle breaths. I slowly turned to my side and stared at her. Tear-stained cheeks, reddish nose, swollen eyelids. I caressed her hair, her eyes, her lips. She murmured something and snatched my arm. She embraced my arm like a pillow and pulled me close. Her face is atop my chest and her head is nestled under my chin. I can smell her hair. And I inhaled her scent. I kissed her hair, with my free hand, I started to feel her body. She was soft. More than I imagined.
I slipped my hand under her dress and felt her thighs. Damn soft, soft skin. Taking a deep breath, I used a finger to feel her slit. She was moist. I was encouraged. My hand travelled upward. To the curve of her waist up to the swell of her breasts. Her nipples hardened upon contact with my pinching fingers. I wasn’t able to suppress a moan. She drew a quick breath then relaxed. Murmuring something. I strained to listen. “Dax..more Dax..” over and over again. I felt her hand on mine, encouraging it to massage her breast. I didn’t disappoint.
I slowly pulled my other arm from her embrace then gently got on top of her. I pushed the fabric of her dress aside and started kissing her things. Licking, nipping them gently while my hands are massaging her pussy through her lacy underwear. I pulled her undies off then started easing my fingers in. God she was so hot, soft and wet. I gave her a lick. She rewarded me with a long moan…”Oooooh Dax..” I clenched my teeth. Then I argued with myself. Yep, while my lips are mere centimetres away from her heavenly bud, I asked myself whether I would really take advantage of her. She was grieving! But in the end, guess what won?
I sucked her clit while pushing and pulling a finger inside her warm pussy. I climbed higher, licking her navel, her now prominent ribs received long licks and nips. I stared at her breasts then gorged myself on their softness. Licking and nipping. She was grabbing my hair and moaning. Wrapped her legs around my waist and whispered “More Dax please..!” I stopped. Her eyes opened. “Why did you stop, Dies?” she muttered. So, she was aware that it really is me but why wasn’t she objecting? “You are identical twins, right? Please make love to me. As Dax?” she was pleading. I tried, albeit halfheartedly, to disentangle my body from her legs and creamy thighs. What am I? A poor substitute for Dax, apparently.
“Please Dies.. Please, for me?” tears sprung from her eyes. I just nodded then continued where I left off. Devouring her delectable body. “Please Dax, put it in me..” I took my boxers off, wore a condom, then gently slid my cock inside. Oh Fuck. She was so tight and wet. A grunt escaped my throat as I humped her hot hole. She was running her fingernails around my back, sometimes raking, making painful scratches. “Faster Dax, baby faster!” I picked up my pace and thrust and pulled as fast as I can. I felt it then. I was about to cum. She screamed my dead twins name as we cum together.
She fell asleep curled beside me. My back hurts from her scratches. More painful was the stupid muscle at the center of my chest which kept on beating fast from what had just transpired.
We did it a couple more times through the weeks that followed. I don’t know who was using whom but the pain only intensified. Every time she tells me she loves me she will caress my face and I will know who she really is talking about.
Our birthday came and we and my parents celebrated it on the graveyard. With Dax. My mom kept on talking to me as if I am him. My dad just shook his head apologetically. Elise and I made our little arrangement a secret from the world.
Mom calls me everyday to hear Dax’s voice, she kept pretending that I was Dax. Elise comes several times a week to make me act like him.
I’m sick of it. Sick of them. Sick of this fucking face. But that fucking muscle at the center of my chest kept telling me to suck it all up and stay tough. I did.
Elise kept on talking in her drunken state. Asking some higher fucked up being why It took Dax. She kept asking It, why Dax, why not the other 90million Filipinos? Hell, why not Dies?
I felt… to say that I was hurt would be an understatement. Devastated to the core comes a little close. I stood up, went to the bathroom. Got a hold of my razor, smashed it a couple of times on the wall. Can’t find the fucking blade, I punched the mirror. Half of it fell down on the sink and I grabbed a piece. I stared at my face on the shattered mirror.
I saw Elise’s reflection at the broken half of the mirror, she screamed “What the fuck, Dies?”
I smiled as I pressed the bloodied piece of jagged mirror on my temple then dragged it down to my jaw. I winced as the skin breaks and hot, red blood bursted then poured. I swiped the mirror across my forehead when she reached me, wreted the piece of mirror from my hand then stared at me in horror.